Introduction: A Touchy Subject (That Can Be Solved)

Household chores are one of the main sources of tension in relationships. Who hasn't heard or said "I always do everything"? This frustration, often silent, can build up and undermine the relationship.

Here are 10 practical tips to transform this source of conflict into a collaboration opportunity.

1. Acknowledge the Mental Load

The mental load is the invisible work: thinking about what needs to be done weighs as much as doing the tasks themselves. Who remembers to buy toilet paper before running out? Who remembers it's yellow bin week?

This load often falls disproportionately on one partner. The first step is to acknowledge it and share it.

Tip: List together not only tasks but also associated "mental reminders." Who is responsible for remembering what?

2. Do a Complete Inventory Together

Sit down together and list absolutely all household tasks. Include often-forgotten ones:

Scheduling medical appointments
Managing administrative paperwork
Planning weekly meals
Buying birthday gifts
Organizing vacations

This exercise often reveals that one partner manages far more than it appears.

3. Divide by Preferences (Not Stereotypes)

Everyone has tasks they dislike less. Someone might find dishes meditative, while another prefers vacuuming with music.

Avoid: Dividing by gender stereotypes. "Cooking is for you, DIY is for me" perpetuates patterns that might not match your real preferences.

Do: Openly discuss what each prefers (or dislikes least).

4. Ban "You Just Have to Ask"

This phrase is toxic. It implies that the mental load stays on one partner, and the other is just a passive executor.

The goal: Each takes charge of their responsibilities autonomously. No need to ask if the trash is full: you see it, you take it out.

A system like FairChore helps because everyone can see what's been done and what remains, without having to "ask."

5. Accept Different Ways of Doing Things

If your partner folds towels differently than you, it doesn't matter. The result counts more than the method.

Perfectionism is the enemy of sharing. If you systematically redo what the other did, you send the message that their work is never good enough. Result: they'll stop doing.

Golden rule: If it's done correctly (even if differently), accept it.

6. Use an Objective Tracking System

Impressions are deceiving. We tend to overestimate our own contribution and underestimate the other's.

A point system like FairChore offers an objective view of who does what. No more "I do everything" vs "No you exaggerate." Numbers settle it.

7. Adjust Task Values Together

If one systematically avoids a task, maybe it's not valued at its fair measure.

No one wants to clean the oven? Increase the points.
You fight over watering plants? Lower the points.

And if despite high points no one wants to do a task, the rule is simple: the one with the lowest points has to do it.

8. Reassess Regularly

Situations evolve. A new job, a baby, schedule changes... What worked might not work anymore.

Advice: Do a 10-minute monthly check-in. How do you feel about the distribution? Need to adjust anything?

9. Thank and Encourage

Even if doing your share is "normal," a simple "thanks for doing the dishes" feels good. Gratitude reinforces positive behaviors.

Caution: Don't confuse thanking and praising like a child. "Thanks" between equal adults, not "good job, you tidied up."

10. See Distribution as a Team Project

You're not adversaries watching each other. You're teammates managing a home together.

The point system isn't there to "catch" the other, but to help you both visualize and naturally balance contributions.

Bonus: The Affected Members Case

Even as a couple, not all tasks necessarily affect both of you:

Tidying personal office: Only affects the user
Maintaining one's car: Same
Tasks related to personal hobbies: Likewise

FairChore lets you define who is affected by each task, for perfect equity even in special cases.

Conclusion

Sharing household chores isn't just a logistics issue: it's a matter of mutual respect. By applying these 10 tips, you transform a tension point into an opportunity to strengthen your bond.

Ready to try? Create your couple group on FairChore and discover the serenity of fair distribution.