Introduction: a touchy subject (but one we can solve)
Household chores are one of the leading sources of tension in couples. Who hasn't heard or said "I'm always the one doing everything"? This frustration, often silent, can build up and undermine the relationship.
Here are 10 practical tips to transform this subject of conflict into an opportunity for collaboration.
1. Recognize the mental load
The mental load is the invisible work: thinking about what needs to be done weighs as much as doing the tasks themselves. Who thinks to buy more toilet paper before it runs out? Who remembers it's yellow bin week?
This load often falls disproportionately on one partner. The first step is to recognize it and share it.
Tip: List together not only the tasks, but also the associated "mental reminders". Who is responsible for remembering what?
2. Make a complete inventory together
Sit down together and list absolutely all household tasks. Include the ones we often forget:
- Making medical appointments
- Managing administrative paperwork
- Planning weekly meals
- Buying birthday gifts
- Organizing vacations
This exercise often reveals that one partner manages much more than it seems.
3. Distribute according to preferences (not stereotypes)
Everyone has tasks they dislike less. Someone might find doing dishes meditative, while the other prefers vacuuming with music.
To avoid: Distributing according to gender stereotypes. "Cooking is for you, DIY is for me" perpetuates patterns that may not match your actual preferences.
To do: Openly discuss what each person prefers (or dislikes the least).
4. Ban "just ask me"
This phrase is toxic. It implies that the mental load remains on one partner, and that the other is just a passive executor.
The goal: Each person takes charge of their responsibilities autonomously. No need to ask if the trash is full: we see it, we take it out.
A system like FairChore helps because everyone can see what has been done and what remains to be done, without having to "ask".
5. Accept different ways of doing things
If your partner folds towels differently than you, it's not a big deal. The result matters more than the method.
Perfectionism is the enemy of sharing. If you systematically redo what the other has done, you send the message that their work is never good enough. Result: they will stop doing it.
Golden rule: If it's done correctly (even if differently), accept it.
6. Use an objective tracking system
Impressions are misleading. We tend to overestimate our own contribution and underestimate the other's.
A point system like FairChore offers an objective view of who does what. No more "I do everything" vs "no you're exaggerating". The numbers decide.
7. Adjust task values together
If one of you systematically avoids a task, it may be that it's not valued at its true worth.
- No one wants to clean the oven? Increase the points.
- You're fighting over watering the plants? Lower the points.
And if despite high points no one wants to do a task, the rule is simple: it's up to whoever has the fewest points to do it.
8. Reassess regularly
Situations evolve. A new job, a baby, a schedule change... What worked may no longer work.
Advice: Have a monthly 10-minute check-in. How do you feel about the distribution? Does something need to be adjusted?
9. Thank and encourage
Even if it's "normal" to do your part, a simple "thanks for doing the dishes" feels good. Gratitude reinforces positive behaviors.
Warning: Don't confuse thanking with praising like a child. "Thank you" between equal adults, not "good job you tidied up".
10. See the distribution as a team project
You're not adversaries monitoring each other. You're teammates managing a household together.
The point system isn't there to "catch" the other person, but to help you both visualize and naturally balance contributions.
Bonus: the case of concerned members
Even as a couple, not all tasks necessarily concern both of you:
- Organizing the personal office: Only concerns the one who uses it
- Maintaining one person's car: Same
- Tasks related to a personal hobby: Same
FairChore allows you to define who is concerned by each task, for perfect fairness even in special cases.
Conclusion
Sharing household chores isn't just a logistical matter: it's a matter of mutual respect. By applying these 10 tips, you transform a subject of tension into an opportunity to strengthen your bond.
Ready to try? Create your couple group on FairChore and discover the serenity of a fair distribution.
